Life on the Bench

“What you project into the world comes back to you!” How true this statement is! I used to tease my friends who were on bench as Bencheshwar Raos and people who took home a handsome salary without having to sweat a bit. Life comes a full circle and here I am, on the bench!! Its been three weeks since I joined Samsung and I haven’t written a single line of code. Its so boring on the bench that the current algorithm of my life runs  like this:

while ( FOREVER )

{

if ( MONDAY )   /* Try to eliminate this “buggy” condition in future somehow */

{

WaitFor ( &Friday);   // Costly function. Almost requires 5 days. Can cause the system to hang too

}

if ( FRIDAY )

{

goto MYSORE;  // This is the only place where goto statement is preferable and  advised.

PlayTennis ( &Enjoyment ); /* This is the main ( ) function in disguise */

}

}

Initially I thought that this is a valuable time and I can use it for constructive purposes. I started practicing a few algorithms like heapsort etc. Soon, the interest faded and I threw all the algorithms into the heap.

Then I started reading sacred texts and things about spirituality online. I read so many in such random manner that it lead me to a confused state and I shut my browser in a hurry, petrified by the thought of getting mad if I did these things in a haphazard way!

To add to my woes is this goddamn internet with a download speed of 500 bytes/sec 😡 . I’m neither able to watch any of the youtube videos ( decent ones yaar, not the ones you’re thinking about 😛 ) nor listen to any songs.

OK, enough of cribbing. Now I’m in consultation with my pal Sridhar, whose is the Bench Leader at Infosys, Mysore. He’s giving me crafty tips on fully exploiting the Bench. Like swiping in and escaping out of the campus by wearing a helmet ( or burqa, whichever is comfortable for you ) and coming again in the evening and swiping out happily. Or slipping out to Tannurkere when your first Project Meeting is about to take place and come back and tell your PL that you had a sudden dysentry. I’m also taking the expert advices of my friend Gautam who is working as the Visiting Bench Manager at TCS. He has 3 months on a trot bench experience and has even authored the bestseller Benched in Bangalore, Having Fun at Mysore. ( This is a must read for anyone on bench )

Now, gradually I’ve come to realize the Mahatva of the bench. I’ve decided to pen down a few “useful” blogs like this one during this time and serve mankind and womankind alike.

|| Jai Benchaya Namah ||

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12 thoughts on “Life on the Bench

  1. Hey nice ones… i am happy that my bench ended 3 weeks back and urs started 🙂
    And i want to read my own bestseller, please forward if u have written… ha ha.. enjoy pavan.. have got some work… ok take care.. u r LUCKY BOY to have no work.. enjoy……..

  2. Gf jothe koole hodi guru.. yaake kashta padokke aase na ninge :P.
    According to Gautam, the new TCS tagline “Simply sitting, money getting” mansalli ittkondu JAI anta koole hodi ! hehehe

  3. Utilize the time pavan. Have your own dead lines/ do some hobby project. It will be cool Or try some open source project.
    Anyway very good blog kano.. I was laughing loudly in office, My collegues thought of taking me somewhere near dairy circle, do not know why.

  4. Yappppaaa!!!! this s super duper funny!!!! my team mate tot somethin seriously wrong wit me as i started laughin so much!!!! sakathagide Pavan!!!! 🙂 hope u r put onto bench again so tat v get to read more of these stuffs 😛 😀

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