In a rather shocking and bizarre development, the Indian government has decided to hold the upcoming Common Wealth Games (CWG) on the tracks of Delhi Metro Rail instead of the Jawaharlal Nehru Stadium. The decision was taken after a heated discussion between Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and Australian CWG Association chief Perry Crosswhite regarding India’s preparedness for the games. Govt sources say that Perry repeatedly taunted Mr. Singh -“The games are just 10 days ahead and you don’t have the tracks ready! Where are the tracks? Where are the tracks?” to which Mr.Singh defiantly responded-“Shut up you Andrew Symonds! We have the tracks ready. We shall host it on our Metro tracks! That’s it!” People were left dumbfounded and were also amazed as to why Mr.Singh was referring Perry as Andrew Symonds throughout the meeting. Sources close to him say that in general, anything negative coming out of Australia is blamed on Andrew Symonds and the PM might have also picked up. A shocked Perry immediately left the scene but later repented that he should also have called the PM as Harbhajan Singh.
Authorities have already started to shift most of the metro trains out of the track to make way for the races and are putting up these trains on display in Delhi Museum. “We’ll earn money from the museum too,” the authorities were beaming “And there are so many other advantages; soon after the race the runners can run to their hotels directly avoiding so much traffic and the marathon runners are in for a special treat, finish line would be at the Taj Mahal”. The authorities contended that the small number of trains still on the tracks would be used as hurdles in the 110m hurdles dash.
Sardars in Punjab hailed this move of Mr.Singh as a historic one! “People always make fun of Sardars! But Mr.Singh has proved them wrong and salvaged our pride” said 80-year Hoshiyar Singh after distributing sweets in the colony and concluded “We wish all the best to all the trains which are participating in the games”
The only group unhappy with this decision is the Delhi Metro Commission (DMC). “No trains for ten days! Our business will be hit hard” CEO of DMC, Jai Trainwala said. But DMC has decided to make good for the loss by making it mandatory for the athletes to buy tickets, just like people buy before boarding a train, before starting any of their races. “They have to buy tickets. They are using our track afterall” Trainwala cried. Ticket prices range from Rs.120 for a 100m race to Rs.2500 for a marathon.
Finally, when our reporters asked the infamous Suresh Kalmadi whether he’s happy with the PM’s decision, he responded “Obviously! My ass is spared now!”. When our reporters further pressed him as to why he created all this mess in the first place he proudly said-“See I generally have rice and pappu(dal) in Andhra messes. In Delhi there wasn’t a single mess. So I created this mess! Simple”